This is a series that also has a written story that weaves through the pictures.
Going Out Of My Head
I had lost confidence. It had been stamped out of me. Why should I talk to anybody? What good would it do? If they knew I couldn’t believe a word they said and that I knew that I knew things they couldn’t understand, they wouldn’t have wanted to talk to me, either. I needed time to get the story straight, my story, for myself. Didn’t matter what anyone else thought. How can anyone else sort out my mess?
The head wrapped in fingers, pressing.
I had to be rescued or I’d still be in L.A. in bed. I was with my mother for a year and then moved in with an aunt. It was she who sent me to meet Charlie.
04 - Pic:
C: I’m having seizures, Viv. They wanted to take some of my brain-
V: A lobotomy!
C: But I wouldn’t let them.
V: That was brave, Charlie. But what will happen to you?
C: So now I am their experiment. It’s kind of exciting, actually, if it works, they’ll control the jolts of lightning in my head.
06 - Pic:
V: I would not want to be experimented on. I think I’d feel used. But you have a kind of proof that you’re in trouble – seizures, the chip. I envy that. Mostly I feel like I’m faking it; whatever I feel.
What you looking at, Charlie?
08 - Pic:
Walking in the woods
C: It’s us, Viv. Our future.
V: A nightmare?
C: Hah, hah.
10 - Pic:
Walter in the tree
V: What’s it feel like?
C: Like bubbles in a glass of champagne.
V: No, really. Does it hurt?
C: I never know when it’s coming. I was in L.A. cutting movies, small films. It’d gotten so that work was reasonably steady. It hadn’t been quick or easy for me to leave home. But I was just beginning to enjoy myself.
V: I was in L.A., too, recording music. We probably worked with some of the same talent.
C: But now I’m not trusted to walk down a flight of stairs.
V: No one should trust me, but they always do.
C: You warning me?
12 - Pic:
The shadow hand.
V: I haven’t slept for two years.
C: You must be hallucinating, paranoid, depressed. No wonder you couldn’t get out of bed.
V: You ever been on klonopin? Getting off is worse. I can’t dream. I get into a sort of trance where I feel like I’m falling in space. There’s this pressure on my head, like a cosmic vice. It gets tighter and tighter until I think it’ll push through my skull. And if I don’t get a migraine, I start crying and I can’t stop for days, sometimes longer. Don’t I sound appealing?
C: I could look after you.
14 - Pic:
Shooting star in the blue sky.
V: It’s a beautiful place.
C: You think so because it isn’t your parents’.
V: Technically, we’re both homeless.
C: And yet I can’t leave. I’ve been captured by a chip, Viv!
V: I can’t be your nurse Charlie.
16 - Pic:
Charlie’s hand on the glass
C: I don’t know what I’m doing here by myself. Tell your aunt I need you.
V: I had a gig booked from a long time ago. Her goal is to get me to play that gig.
C: What’s your goal?
V: If I stay here, I may never leave.
18 – Pic:
Viv and Charlie go to the attic
19 – Pic:
Up in the attic, isolation.
20 - Pic
The two contorted in moonlight.
21 - Pic:
Viv daydreaming in daylight.
22 – Pic:
Viv on the outside of the house
Charlie chilly in spring.
I wrote a song while I was there about a couple who were more lonely together than apart.
I swear Charlie was in the audience when I played it that first time. Or is it that everyone with
a chip now looks like Charlie? Or is it a malfunction in my chip; a permanent echo?
24 – Pic:
Gates to nowhere